A is for anxiety, B is for breathlessness, C is for crying, and D isfor......

Or, as I like to call it, the ABC's of year two as a teacher.

One of my students asked me today, "Why do you get so mad so quickly when we aren't quiet?"

Because, I know what noise means.

Noise is security coming in my classroom, and looking at me and thinking "why cant you control these kids?"

Noise means that I can't hear the student who is pleading with their eyes for help but doesn't have the confidence to ask for it.

Noise means that there is screaming and yelling that would not be allowed in a working environment.

Noise means someone may think they are off task and that means I'm in trouble.

So I told him:
               "The reason I ask you to be quiet and sit down is because I know that I need to modify my seating chart-several of you can't sit next to one another because you're either best friends who want to talk or enemies who want to do nothing but make life miserable for the other. This group of students is off task and one student has their phone out that my rules says I should take up but I know if I ask for it he will refuse to give it up, which will waste everyone's time. I am trying to modify the lesson in my head while I'm teaching because you all are really confused right now which is causing a lot of the off-task behavior and the phone is ringing for me to post attendance. You, kiddo, have shouted out at me 6 times to ask to go to the bathroom even though I have a 1 pass a 9 weeks policy and you have asked once a week every week since the start of school. In the meantime I have 4 other students asking me if they can go to the restroom and one who is screaming and yelling at another for something they said at lunch. I keep yelling to get your attention and don't know how to tell you all the instructions so that you will not be as confused. I know that benchmarks are coming up and I wanted to be able to conference with you all about your grades but we're running out of time and I've had to take 4 of you out in the hall. I don't have time to have people sign the behavior log and if I don't call parents I can't really write a student up. And in the meantime, I have 3 students sitting quietly waiting for someone to teach them."

He looked up at me, and said, "breathe, Ms. A."

http://www.tickld.com/x/7-year-old-gets-shot-down-byteacher

I saw this posted today, and the final chunk of it really hit me. I can't speak for these teachers, but I will speak for myself.

I know there are certain things I wish I could teach in my classroom, but the standards won't allow it:
         "No room, no time, the classroom isn't the place for that." "What standard are you teaching with that activity?" "Why are the children moving around? They should be seated and quiet"

There are arguments I have sometimes with students, and myself, trying to decide which battle to take on that day:
        "Do I let her sit on her computer and do nothing because for the first time, she isn't disrupting the class by screaming and cursing?"
        "Do I let him do his homework a day late and grade it, because at least he is trying to do it?"
        "Why is your cell phone out, again? I've asked you 7 times to put it away," while in the meantime two other students begin play-hitting each other and another pulls a phone out. Who do I get back in line first when there are so many off-task?
        "I know you know all of the answers, but I need to give other students a chance to think for themselves the way you already can because they are missing skills that you have fully developed"


We are expected to teach each student the same thing in a unique way that they will benefit from as "individual learners" yet we norm on standardize tests where every student will be tested in the same way, in the same format, and in the same environment on the same content no matter what their capabilities or learning level.

How do I meet each student when I am constantly forced to teach to a norm, so that they can pass some test that tells them they are worth something?

When do we actually start giving students to facilitate their creativity in a small enough environment to truly get individual attention to learn and foster their natural curiosity?

When do we get to stop teaching to a test for someone out there who will only judge my students by a score and a number, and start actually teaching?


I rant about this because as a teacher, much of the blame is placed on my shoulders when a student acts out in class, or when they don't succeed. Due to that fear and pressure, I have said things I regret in the moment to students I love more than anything. I have asked kids to sit down and be quiet, because that's the only way I can get what I'm told to do, everyday, done. I spend more time giving out makeup work and planning and grading and crying for the state of my student's educational environment because I know that all of the pressure out there is about data, data, data. What numbers do you have with that child? Where is your proof that you did what we told you to do- we researchers, who have never sat in a classroom, and are telling you what will be best for your children?


And a lot of times, people forget that we are human too. We are taking on between 20-150 different personalities, emotions, minds, and learning styles a day in our classroom, trying to make each one thrive and fly. In the meantime, we must manage professional relationships with fellow mentors, teachers, and educators. We must jump through hoops from those above us who are jumping through bigger hoops from above them and up into bigger ones until, ultimately, they swallow us whole. The threat hanging over all of our heads constantly is that they will take away the job that we love, removing us from the students we care about more than the world. We give up family, friends, outside hobbies, and days and days of sleep out of our lives in order to make every day count (Ask my roommate and I when the last time we actually talked).

And we make mistakes. Sadly, some are more detrimental than we care to admit. I am not asking to remove accountability for teachers-accountability is what makes the world go round.  One day, I can only hope that the conversation shifts to the final part of this post. "The American School System is not here to educate us or encourage us to learn"

When will we start changing the system? Because frankly, our future is at stake and I watch our system waste our most precious resources every day.